MY PERFECT IMPERFECTIONS

A story is told of a young woman's faithfulness and commitment to her love in the middle of  despair, betrayal and heartache. the story goes that this young lady held on for years waiting for her love to come because of a promise. it was a solemn promise made in truth and honesty and she believed that against all odds, the love of her life would somehow surface and she would live happily ever after. sounds perfect, right? yet another story is told of another young woman who meets the love of her life at a ball, well a dance if you may, and the prince got so enthralled by this woman he danced the night away with her. as the clock struck midnight, the maiden had to leave but alas, she left her sandle behind. unabashed, the handsome prince scoured the entire kingdom looking for the maiden who could perfectly fit in the sandel he had. well, he finally did find her and they lived happily ever after or did they? that is one thing we will never ascertain because we do not get to read the ever after. i do however think in the ever after, there are days of tears, sadness, anger, betrayal perhaps along with the endless joy and pure bliss.

we read this stories with awe and wish our own stories were as perfect or nearly as thrilling. truth be told, if life would work exactly as we had imagined, many of us would certainly not be where we are today. we would have crafted our lives to fit the perfect mound. but it is not so. life has dealt a hand that some of us didn't expect or imagine. we have a whole lot of folks that are still reeling from the aftershock of their mistakes and wrong choices and they seem to sink deeper into the mire as the day goes by. we have some folk who are basking in the glory of the good times that life throws at them time after time. such is the imperfection of life; while some are still trying to understand the ramifications of some ill thought choices others are happy and grateful that they were able to avoid some pitfalls that their friends fell in. recently, i was mulling over the imperfections that make our lives so perfect. i was taking stock of my life and though i realized it did not turn out like i had perfectly imagined at 18, it has turned out imperfectly perfect. my many nights of darkness and sorrows, tears and uncertainty have given way to confidence, perception, aggression and purpose. i look back and i think, it had to be that long, bumpy, exhausting road. i just don't see how my mind would have transformed without the bumps along my path.

And if you are like me, you will realize that it is not your perfect life that has brought the phenomenal growth or aggression but rather its the bumps, valleys and mountains along your path that has led you to the point where you are at now. Any soldier worth his salt has scars on his body which only signify the battles he fought and got out alive.  Many will show the scars with pride as they narrate their close shave with death and that exactly how we should wear our imperfect lives-with pride.

you have had a few bad runs in the past...so what? those are not the things that define you unless you choose to let them define you. i need to say this again... bad choices do not define you and while at it let me also say that good choices don't define you either. i know of some awesome people that have made very awful, pathetic decisions and i also know of some awful people who have made some pretty good choices. you are defined by who you perceive yourself to be; your essence, the small things about you that make you..YOU. The thing is to step back and separate yourself from the choice. A good friend of mine once told me 'you are what you answer to'. i think thats one of the truest statements that i have heard in a long time. when we take back the power we have given to other people, to situations and circumstances then and only then shall we sincerely appreciate our imperfect lives..

bottom line, your life is not perfect but it is the imperfections that have molded you to the person you are right now. perfection is over rated, celebrate your perfect imperfections.

m.

I DREAM OF FREEDOM

At the city gate and by your fireside I have seen you prostrate yourself and worship your own freedom, 

Even as slaves humble themselves before a tyrant and praise him though he slays them. Ay, in the grove of the temple and in the shadow of the citadel I have seen the freest among you wear their freedom as a yoke and a handcuff.

 And my heart bled within me; for you can only be free when even the desire of seeking freedom becomes a harness to you, and when you cease to speak of freedom as a goal and a fulfillment.

You shall be free indeed when your days are not without a care nor your nights without a want and a grief,

But rather when these things girdle your life and yet you rise above them naked and unbound. And how shall you rise beyond your days and nights unless you break the chains which you at the dawn of your understanding have fastened around your noon hour?

Khalil Gibran (The Prophet-Freedom)

As an avid reader and a lover of literature and poem, the above is perhaps one of my favorite pieces. i get lost reading this literal masterpiece. this great poet alludes that true freedom is found only when we find the freedom within us; when we loose the bonds that tie us down and like a phoenix rising from the ashes, ascend to the heights of awareness and actualization of the greatness that lays dormant within us.

While thinking about the notion of freedom, I have for the past few days realized that freedom isn't freedom until we extend to other people the opportunity to say no to us. We must allow other people to say no to us just as much as we must allow ourselves to say no to the things or people that don't add value to our lives. For a long time, I thought I walked in liberty or freedom until I realized a few months ago that I didn't allow others to make their choices.
We all have an opinion or idea of how great things would be if others would line up or toe the line. What we forget is that by having a predetermined idea of how others should perceive us or the choices that the others should make, we are in essence limiting ourselves to that particular modus operandi meaning that we begin to limit our success or happiness to the occurrence of certain decisions made by other people.

I am a follower of Christ and in my study of the holy book, I have deduced that the greatest gift given to mankind is liberty. It is in liberty that we have been redeemed. We are constantly reminded that liberty comes with the opportunity to choose. No one is compelled to be a believer, we get to make that choice and all we are asked is to confess or consciously acknowledge that choice. I have come to realize that we confess not so that we remind God that we are in his fold, no rather,  we confess so that we remind US that there is a choice that we have made. Whatever we constantly confess forms a belief  system because our brains are wired to believe any information it's exposed to and it doesn't matter whether this information is negative or positive; the brain takes it in and our belief system become a mindset.  Now, our success or failure will not be determined by what others believe about us, but by what we believe about us. Faith comes by hearing. ..doubt comes by hearing. ..success comes by hearing. ..The point am making here is that the information we expose ourselves to determine the output from our lives. it then goes without saying that your choices determines the quality of your life.

So, I was talking about liberty and allowing those around us to make their decisions. This point hit home just other day, I had an item that I was trying to sell off to my colleagues at work, I kept moving from one lady to the next convincing them that they needed to get it (well, and also because i badly needed someone to take it so i could get a replacement). After going round I finally settled on one that I thought without a doubt would take it and I wasn't prepared to take no for an answer. Well, we did haggle for a while with me telling her she has to take and her insisting no she didn't want to. This caught the attention of my immediate boss who sits across me. To cut the long story short, she came... she saw and she took. She made a comment that hasn't left me yet. She mentioned how I had bypassed her in my quest. In all honesty, I only bypassed her because I assumed that she would not be interested. i made the choice for her without giving her the opportunity to decide for herself. And that's just the thing. We are constantly making decisions for people instead of giving them the opportunity to choose.

You need to allow people to make the choice to love you, hang out, do business with you or even celebrate you. Let that person decide to follow your vision or your dream. Don't make assumptions that they want what you want because in essence you will be reducing that person to a marionette at the very best. Realize that when they do make a choice and that choice does not include you, that a no is as good as a yes. Understand that as a free moral agent, that person is allowed to say no to you. Don't hate them for that. Appreciate that they are confident enough to exercise their liberty and make a choice. Who knows, in time they might change their mind and the no become might become a yes or maybe they might not change their minds and that's still ok because your happiness or success cannot be limited to another's decision. choose to be happy, successful, loving, faithful and valiant despite of the odds stacked against you. again the keyword here is CHOOSE.

What am saying is freedom isn't really freedom until we are free to say NO and also accept a NO. Freedom isn't really freedom until we allow ourselves to make mistakes and more importantly rise up from those very mistakes and become.
Live life, quit being afraid of your own shadow!

Explore life, discover your limits then defy them. Now, that's freedom. 

m.

BACK TO EDEN

I wanted to be a police officer when i grew up. i specifically wanted to be a traffic police officer. i admired how they exercised their authority, i couldn't get over how a police officer could, with just raising one hand, stop a big bus. That amazed me to no end. But, i was about 7 or 8 years old and in my mind, the service and commitment that the police represented fascinated me.
well, i did eventually grow out of it and found something that resonated within me; law. i fell in love with the subject when i was eleven and am glad to say, i am blessed to live that dream which i had when i was a tween. Nobody told me back then that lawyers make money or are respectable members in the society or even that they are 'liars' as society has often misrepresented.  i had a desire to make a difference in my society and i had the rare privilege of having people around me that believed that i could be and  that i had what it took to be one.
i was a child and in my mind, there were no limitations. i only saw possibilities.

i love the mindset that children have. they believe in anything from the tooth fairy, to santa claus going to giants. they believe anything that their elders tell them. its easy to work with the mind of a child, its in-corrupted, genuine and oh, so pure.

it is unfortunate that as we grow older and gain an education, we begin to embrace certain mindsets. we begin to accept that we cannot be doctors or engineers or pilots. we relegate our dreams to the deep recesses of our minds and begin to apportion our God given vision to others that we consider more gifted, more superior or more exposed. we accept limitations as a way of life and many retire to the fact that their children will live the dream they were unable to realize and as a result we have all sorts of people in universities who are living their parents dream.it doesn't help that our education system doesn't prepare us for success either. what we are taught is regurgitated information, which if we cram hard enough, will guarantee us a good life. By good life, they mean a nice house with a picket fence, a toyota (maybe a mercedez if you study hard enough), 2 adorable kids and an amazing spouse. yea, you get all that when you study hard! not true.
while i believe that individuals should study to the highest level of education they can attain, the truth is that a university degree or a college diploma does not guarantee you a good life. you don't believe me, ask the guy who sells mutura and has a degree or the matatu tout that still hopes that one day his stars will align. am sure you know of this one person whose life seems to have taken a nose dive. i humbly submit that the purpose of the education system is to change our way of thinking, period. i believe the reason why people get an education is so that they can expose their minds, their way of thinking. it is at the tertiary level of education that you begin to analyse, critique and question some things about life. you meet individuals and study disciplines that change your way of thinking. the more information that you are exposed to, the more likely you are to transform your mindset.  therefore, learning is a continuous process, an everyday affair and no wonder the bible admonishes us to not be conformed but rather to be transformed by the daily renewal of our minds. while we cannot control the information we were exposed to while having a formal education, we are in control of the information we have access to now. it is disappointing to meet with adults who have a primitive way of thinking, people who have not outgrown the mindsets that were ingrained in their minds when they were still growing up. some of this people harbor a lot of bitterness and anger towards their more exposed peers; some struggle with low self esteem because they haven't learnt the art of negotiating for what they want or deserve.

Education will be of value only if it can change the way of thinking. individuals should be encouraged to study to get more exposure that will ultimately lead to a richer more fulfilling life. A transformed mind will without a doubt create wealth. a human being has the innate ability to think their way into wealth. our answers, solutions and strength lies in our untapped mind.Just like children, we need to see possibilities. we need to open our minds to new ideas, knowledge and most importantly we need to be active participants in this affair called "our life". i advocate for the rise of thought leaders who will pave the way to success by thinking through the challenges facing us. we need to rise as individuals who can take charge of our lives, we need to have a transformed mind, we need to learn the art of negotiating and more importantly we must go for what we want and live a life that is beyond limitations.
m.

DREAM AGAIN

she peers into the horizon, her eyes misty from her tears
every step faltering,unsure if she will make it
she dares not hope
cannot afford to dream
lest the harsh realities quash
the world she so dearly longs for
as has been oft in the past

behind her lies the embittered past
of unfulfilled desires
misunderstandings rejections fear
mistakes....
mistakes she could have avoided
but didn't couldn't wouldn't

with each step carefully calculated
she clutches tightly at the cross around her neck
tis all she has left
its her only hope
she takes a deep breathe and crosses yonder
willing her heart to move on

she lies her back on the manicured lawn
willing her face to feel the warm glow of the spring shine
the flowers have blossomed around her
she listens to the musical notes of the birds chirping
shes lost in the moment
only aware of the rhythmic beat of her heart
beating in perfect unison with nature

her heart finally at home
she closes her eyes
a smile creases her tired face
with a faint whisper
she charts the course of her life
and dares to believe that she can dream again.

m.

DEFY YOUR LIMITS

I would not describe myself as an overly adventurous person eager to embrace change as quickly as it happens. no, i rather think of myself as a sentimentalist that holds on to things much longer than necessary. At times it pays off but other times its simply heart wrenching.

But this year i decided to let my guard down and learn something new; something completely off my radar. A few  months ago, i met a client who has turned out to be a great friend and who introduced me to a great opportunity that promised financial freedom. we all want financial freedom, right? Right.
i was hesitant at first and i mulled over it for months. i was looking for every possible reason on why it couldn't work, why it was not cut out for me and why i was better off doing something else; anything else. except marketing. seriously how does anyone expect me to sell, i have never sold for a living before. the more i thought about, the clearer it became to me that the only reason i was afraid of launching out was because it was the unknown, it was new, it was different and it was downright scary.
so after alot of back and forth with my good friend, i finally decided to give it a shot. i put my fears aside and i dared to believe that i could learn the skills needed to succeed in my new business venture.

it has been six months since i started this business or side hustle as others call it. I wanted to quit within the first month as i did not see any hope of success. i actually felt like i was plummeting through thick darkness into an abyss of uncertainty and failure but alot of pep talk and sound advice from my good friend saw me through this days of darkness. i look back and i am amazed at the great personal growth i have experienced in my life in the last six months. i have developed more social skills than i have in the over 10 years i have been an adult. i have met many more amazing people who have dared to believe in my dream and partnered with me. i have also had my fair share of disappointments but that is nothing compared to the pure bliss of being good at a learnt skill. i have made it my business to let everyone that interacts with me aware of my new found passion and now i have all this people telling me am a natural at selling off stuff, others think am a sales person. i have given up trying to explain to people that i am not a sales person but i am simply selling something that i enjoy taking.

This experience has gotten me thinking about how many opportunities we loose out on in life because we are too afraid to change the status quo. we are constantly depriving ourselves of new opportunities to learn new skills, foster new friendships and alliances.
Napoleon Hill, a great mentor and thought leader aptly states that the only limitations that exists are the ones on our minds. the truth is that we can only go as far as our minds see. it is imperative for us to continuously expose ourselves to new information, we need to wean out old mindsets set by culture and society. the limitations set by our old paradigms must give way to radical mental shift in order for us to rise as transformational leaders. the transformational leader understands that real change begins with a paradigm shift. we have the innate ability to think our way through the problems and challenges facing us as individual and as a society but our minds have to be exposed to new knowledge and information. Just as we cannot put new wine in an old wine skin, in the same way, we cannot add more information to an old paradigm. we will just have a bloated, retrogressive old mindset. Be willing to unlearn some 'truths' passed down from generations that came before us. our grandfathers were not always right, they only spoke from their limited perspective. understand that what works today will not work five years from now if its not reprogrammed to fit the needs of the society five years from now. the society and individuals are dynamic social beings that are ever evolving. the great successes we see and admire with the movers and shakers in our generation are not overnight miracles. this individuals will speak of hours, weeks, months or even years of devotion to a cause; a dream. they have continuously honed their skills, exposed themselves to information, submitted themselves to wisdom and most importantly they have the audacity to believe in the absurdity of their dreams. the long tedious hours of preparation eventually gives way to success.

It is within us to be all that we want to be. take personal responsibility of your dream and vision.  I do not agree with the school of thought that says that only certain people can make you who you are cut out to be, i believe there are people that help us along the path to our destiny but ultimately the buck stops with you. if you are not where you need to be, it is because you have not done your job of taking you there. If you are not happy, its because you have not made decisions that will bring in happiness. no one can make you happy, successful or complete. That is your personal responsibility; the greatest person around you will only complement you. you cannot keep blaming people, circumstances, predisposition for where you are. Get up, take responsibility for your life. re-evaluate your choices. push your limits. extend your frontiers. get the limits off and fly.
m.

PS: check out my website on www.marieshouseofcoffee.organogold.com to see some of the great products that i am selling.